RESIDENT EVIL: A-CRAP-OLYPSE

like we didn't know. but yet i gave it a chance as it wasn't directed by the hack of a director, Paul W.S. Anderson-of recent aliens v. predator fame. is it better than the first one? well considering i'd rather watch the floater in my toilet after chomping on mexican than watch the Resident Evil Uno, yes. plus, milla is hot. the movie is so laughable that i had to add my own commentary a la mystery science theatre 3000 throughout the movie to the annoyance of many moviegoers but to the pleasure of mi compadres. the plot plays like escape from new york as our heroine and a "we hope to see you die real soon"military team search for some little girl (who sounds closely like the little girl computer in the first one) trapped in her school. the gigilo (sp?) from deuce bigelow and the mummy fame is in it and the guy who played scott farkas (the kid w/ yellow eyes, so help me god yellow eyes!!!) from a christmas story is in it--w/ a really bad russian accent i might add. and then there's this hot chick who wants to be milla sooooo bad and can actually kick ass while wearing a short skirt w/o giving up the goods yet cannot control the intonation of her voices as she butchers her lines---you'll see her again in those straight to video soft porn movies like Erotic Culinary School and Bedroom Secrets 18, the Seduction of Stacy. anyway, a lot of shaky cam makes up for the fact that they could not afford a martial arts trainer and there's this really dumb big ass monster that's a cross b/wn leatherface, the alien hunters in critters and the cenobite in hellraiser w/ the chattering teeth. and remember the guy w/ the accent is always, ALWAYS, the bad guy. this flick is only saved by some really stupid dialogue and the token black guy pimp who screams "GTA mutherfucker!!!" as he runs over zombies in his car, he's got the best lines in the movie--which only supports the reason why mtv only plays hip hop videos anymore--black guys are funny.

don't miss my karaoke performance tonite at congee village in the bowery as my roommate is throwing her graduation party there. yes, OH GOD YES, will i be drunk. oh, and i need to play tennis so please, please play w/ me somebody!!! and i went to that bouldering/climbing wall at the north meadow recreation center, 5 bucks gives some really good climbing...there's a layback, a chimney and this one route where you can only use your hands in the beginning and the end of the route. and they have a semi-cave which is not as cool as the one at the 59th st rock wall--but still much better than anything they dish out over at the rock. but we will be changing the routes soon as a pal is taking a routesetting class...which i'll take as soon as i join the damn parks dept.