Excerpts from someone who really likes Chuck Norris...

• Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
  
  
• If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
  
  
• In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
  
  
• Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he fucking kills people.
  
  
• Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
  
  
• Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  
  
• Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
  
  
• The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  
  
• Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
  
  
• Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
  
  
• Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
  
  
• Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
  
  
• The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!

Question:

anyone want tix for 4 to the daily show? catch is, it's on Valentine's Day...and it conflicts w/ my plans. LMK...and i'll let you know how to cash in!

...And yes, just because they're doing it...

as per simone007, which is in no way infringing on any entries of the hot monkey sort...

Type: "(Your name) is", quotes and all into the google search bar and choose your top 5 results and post it!

alas! my name. not the greatest name to query...so i'll go by my alias.

1. Joe is updated near the first of every month except January and July
2. Joe is one of the pioneers in making Hawaiian music
3. Joe is...SO getting laid tonight
4. Joe is an establishment where great beer can be found
5. Joe is everything a walking lollypop of testosterone

what's with this Alito nonsense?

China devises new technology that grows children from piles of confetti!!

or everyone was just having a smashing ole' time on Mott, because it's YEAR OF THE DOG, BABY!! so, simone007 invited me down to share in the festivities down in C-Town. also there was fellow bloggy hot monkey as well as readers of all three. the fun continued at the Golden Unicorn, where we stood for a bit...me starving so bad, i wanted to kill everyone. i definitely was fiending those $1 nuggets at mickey d's. but once we got up there, i gorged m'self on all that was dim and even more that was sum.

Happy Year of the Jubei/Duncs!!
1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006

What do they say about this year?

"People born in the Year of the Dog possess the best traits of human nature. They have a deep sense of loyalty, are honest, and inspire other people's confidence because they know how to keep secrets. But Dog People are somewhat selfish, terribly stubborn, and eccentric. They care little for wealth, yet somehow always seem to have money. They can be cold emotionally and sometimes distant at parties. They can find fault with many things and are noted for their sharp tongues. Dog people make good leaders. They are compatible with those born in the Years of the Horse, Tiger, and Rabbit"