Dark Water
man, was i ever fooled. to think that commercials would purposefully mislead me into buying into a product that doesn't really deliver that it puports to sell. why would they do that? i feel ass raped...since this is a jennifer connelly movie that i'm alluding too...ass-to-ass raped (***to the uninitiated, please refer to Requiem For A Dream for details.)
You think that Dark Water is a horror movie in the vein of recent asian horror flicks gone yankee, like the ring, and the grudge. but what sets it apart from the other movies is lack of the word "The" in the title...i guess "The" Dark Water wouldn't fly as well. but what it has in common is kinda like the sludge of the said title seeping out from the ceiling--it's crap, and it's the kind that takes it time before you have to actually put your nose up to the ceiling,take a whiff and go "oh, yeah...it's crap".
I mean, the only way it's a horror movie is that it shows the horrors of buying inexpensive housing in NYC. though John C. Reilly is awesome as every sleazy fast talking real estate broker you ever had to deal with in the hell-on-earth that is the apartment finding dilemma. NYC has never looked worse and more unappealing than in this film and i'm sure real estate boom is going to hit its peak on roosevelt island after this gem suckers in others like me and the 12 people (including one of our Bellevue PT students---YOU ARE SO BUSTED, JACK!! SHOULDN'T YOU BE PHYSICAL THERAPIZING OR SOMETHING?)
who had the endurance to sit through this "Hometime"-gone bad fused with "America's Most Haunted Co-ops" suckfest
I'd go into details, but why? if you've ever seen a made-for-TV ghost story movie on USA Network or Sci-FI channel, then you've seen this movie...just add water. i would even venture to say those "cheesy but i have to watch" ghost story shows on Discovery or Travel Channel would be on par with this.
Wait for it to come out on basic cable as a UPN's The Parker's episode "the one where they have plumbing trouble", or if you have nothing better to do on a plane and it's being shown and you don't have to pay for headphones and the book you're reading's paragraph formatting is too wide and reads like a textbook (wink, wink to the DaVinci Code Illustrated vs. David)...then watch it.
On a scale of double ended dildos that J.Con simulated entering her poopshoot, i would rate this:
1/2 a dildo, one that was found in a quality inn in the bottom drawer wedged b/wn the phone book and the Gideon bible. Oh yeah...and no lube. dry.
1 comment:
but, she's hot. isn't that at least worth something?
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