Excerpts from someone who really likes Chuck Norris...

• Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
  
  
• If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
  
  
• In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
  
  
• Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he fucking kills people.
  
  
• Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
  
  
• Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
  
  
• Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
  
  
• The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  
  
• Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.
  
  
• Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
  
  
• Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
  
  
• Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
  
  
• The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!