I know I'm long over due for this but...{ (S+C) x (B+F) / T } - V

(S) OVERALL SHAPE: Which best decribes your bum?

A trodden-on doughnut = 1

A pear dropped from a great height = 2

Rounded but dimpled, making it look square = 3

Big but more narrow than high = 4

A small peach shape = 5

(C.) CIRCULARITY: Which of these represents your bum?

Square as a cheese slice = 1

Like an egg is round = 2

More pear shaped = 3

Pair of pink grapefruits = 4

(B) BOUNCE: How resilient is your bum?

Nothing can stop this badly contained jelly = 1

Wobbles for 30 seconds after one flick = 2

Cheeks don't meet when I walk = 3

Only bounce during sex = 4

During aerobics, doesn't even quiver = 5

(F) FIRMNESS: Which best describes your bum firmness to the touch?

Could lose a hand in here = 1

Makes a dimple if pressed = 2

Can't press in a centimetre = 3

Latex-coated cricket ball = 4

(T) SKIN TEXTURE: How is you bum complexion?

Cellulite, spots, orange peel -- you name it! = 4

Dimpling on underside = 3

Spotty but no dimpling = 2

Like a baby's = 1

(V) VERTICAL RATIO: Select nearest to your ratio.

Like a traffic cone = 4

Bigger at the bottom = 3

Symmetrical both ways = 2

Like a per pair of breasts = 1

HOW DID MY BUM SCORE?

Perfection! = 80

Reach for the beach! = 60

Exercise! Diet! Hope! = 40

Keep your clothes on! = 20

Stay indoors! = 0

I scored a 47...my ass is 13 points away from being a beach attraction...1 more month until memorial day.

i'm doing squats while writing this.